my-epilepsy

staying sane with day to day life…having epilepsy

Uncomfortable conversations

Hey ho, it’s the weekend. My seizures stopped at three, so I’m hoping that the next ones (I mean I’ve got to be realistic, can’t keeping hoping that was the last one) won’t be for another fortnight.

I had an interesting conversation yesterday that relates to a previous post (I think it was ‘My new look’ when I was moaning about being called ‘epileptic’). It was with two acquaintances when I called in to a local cafe to get a take away coffee. To cut a long story short, we were discussing, well, actually they were telling me about a performance at a local pub (no names given!). The older of the two women kept saying how this one act kept jumping around the stage like spastics, which I think, just overall and no relation to epilepsy, is an offensive thing to say. Then they likened to it to how one of them “was going so spastic he looked like he was going to have a fit“.

Now that’s when I get personally offended. I just sat that there really, at a loss at what to say. I couldn’t think of anything, I think I was just kind of dumbstruck. Then I decided that before I left the table I’d make sure I’d weave into the conversation that I had epilepsy. And I did, but you know what I think it was pointless. They hardly responded. I mean, no I wasn’t expecting them to break into tears or jump up and hug me with sorrow, but my intention was so that they may not make comments similar to ones they had several minutes previously. But I think I failed. But I decided to just get over it. People are always going to talk like that, and there is nothing I can do about it.

C’est la vie!!

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How do I look?

Spent quite a while today trying out different themes for this blog, until I found this one. I think it works because it’s cheerful yet not cheesy. I tried a couple of others but they just looked dark and mysterious, which is certainly what I personally would never be described as and also what I would never want to describe us people suffering from epilepsy as. So bright and cheery  – which is more like me, and well no I wouldn’t say epilepsy was particularly that way, but I am trying to ensure it is not depressing. So there.

Speaking of the term ‘epilepsy’ and describing myself as someone who suffers from, or has the condition ‘epilepsy’, I feel this is the way it should be described. I get goosebumps of anger when I hear term “epileptic” as descriptive. I am NOT epileptic! It just sounds so horrible and it kind of labels me as someone of that nature full stop. “Oh, epileptics are… blah blah blah”.

NO NO NO! Do people with depression get labelled as “depressed people”? No, well, not that I’ve heard of. Epilepsy is just one part of me. I’m lots of other things, and no of course they’re not all wonderful things, in fact I’m sure I’ve been called all sorts of things, but just please please don’t ever call me an epileptic. GGGRRRRRR!!!!!

Thanks 🙂 Now that that’s out of the way, lett’s move on to happier things. I’ve passed the “one week” without a seizure! Yay! But to be realistic, just means I’ll probably have one in the next day or two, but still, it was less than a week the past couple of weeks. On that note, I’m going to go to bed because it’s 10pm (OMG!) and I’m tired. Goodnight!

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Monday…no-one’s favourite day

I haven’t got a whole lot to say today – I haven’t had a seizure even though I am due (6 days – touch wood). My mum has moved on to stay on at Ali’s house for a couple of nights but she might come back and hang out with me for a while in a few weeks. So that’s cool.

Anyway, so as I don’t have much to say about myself and epilepsy today (yet) thought I’d give you some facts. Here is a list of famous peeps with the condition:

Actors:

  • Danny Glover
  • Hugo Weaving
  • Rik Mayall
  • Bud Abbott
Religion/Royalty:
  • Caligula
  • Joan of Arc
  • Muhammad

Music

  • Jimmy Reed
  • Neil Young
  • Prince
  • Ian Curtis (Joy Division)
  • Adam Horovitz (Beastie Boys) – recently died of cancer

Sports

  • Tony Greig
  • Wally Lewis
  • Paul Wade

For a fuller list check out Wikipedia – this is just a small sample.

OK nearly time to go home. Bye for now!

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Happy Mother’s Day

Greetings, did I mention that I’m a mother as well?

People often ask if it’s hard being a mum with epilepsy and to be honest, the answer is no not really. I mean, I am very limited in some ways – can’t jump in the car and take my Lilly somewhere. And until about a year ago I would walk her around in the pram instead. But then I had a very dangerous seizure and have realised that it’s too risky to walk her alone. So that’s the end of that.

However otherwise I don’t feel nervous with her on a day-to-day basis. I think stress plays a role in the number of seizures I have, so if I spend my time worried about things like “oh no what if I drop her down the stairs / down the toilet”, I reckon I may be more likely to have a seizure. So our life is pretty normal together, just not much time is spent alone out of the house. But that’s OK, we just have more family and friend time outside together!

It can worry my other family members though. A seizure example I was reminded of today by my sister Ali was one not too long ago (and Ali if I get this slightly wrong you know it’s only because I have no memory whatsoever except you telling me). Anyway, apparently I called her at about 8:45am and said where are you? And she said um I’m at work where are you? And I said I am at work getting my hair done (no I am not a hairdresser). And she said where’s Lilly? And I didn’t know. So I can understand the concern on her side! But on my side, I had dropped Lilly at child care, I was at a local shop buying something or other and it just happened. As usual. She called me back a few minutes later and I went and double checked that Lilly was a child care, and she was. So I went to work and that was that.

So no pain, just a small amount of confusion and vagueness on my side. I really don’t think my seizures cause me much problem in my life. I often compare myself to someone who suffers from migraines. What’s worse? OK, there are large-scale problems that epilepsy causes in my life (not being able to drive etc) but I don’t experience any immediate  intense agony the way migraine sufferers do. I think I would rather have the condition epilepsy than migraines. I can’t deal with any sort of pain. Ask my husband. Right now I feel like I am coming down with a cold and I am curled up in a ball and I hate it! A sore throat and chills! Big deal! Weird huh?

All that I can say that the only short-term thing epilepsy does is embarrass me at times. But we’ll get to that…karate chops and shower curtains and Dan Murphy’s (not combined)…

Anyway happy mother’s day to all my mummy friends and family!

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At the airport…

This afternoon I went to the airport to pick up my dear mummy for a mother’s day weekend with the Sydney family members, and I saw the gigantic queue of people at security with their trays of laptops, bags and grumpy impatient faces. This is when I can use my epilepsy to my advantage.

I have a device implanted into my upper left chest called a vagus nerve simulator. This is designed to prevent seizures by sending regular, mild pulses of electrical energy to the brain via the vagus nerve. These pulses are supplied by a device something like a pacemaker.

So at airport security I have to inform them I have one of these  – and the moment I do that I rarely get past pointing to my chest and saying “I have a….” and they assume I’m going to say pacemaker, so they take my bag and shoes, take me to the front of the queue, take me through a gate and pat me down rather than go through the security ‘archway’. And today, with so many people, it was hilarious, because so many of them were obviously pissed off when I marched right past them.

So if you ever think you’re going to miss your flight and there’s a huge queue, just put on an innocent face and pat your chest! 🙂

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The “talk”

Here I am, I have six days of work left. Or I should say, AT work, because there isn’t really much work itself to do. I’m actually quite excited. I just have to figure out what my next career is going to be.

There are lots of limitations with the good old epilepsy. Can’t be a pilot, probably couldn’t even be a flight attendant (or ‘air hostess’ as I really wanted to do when I was a little kid). Finish my psych, ie do post graduate and become a registered psychologist but I think that epilepsy would get in the way of that too. I’ve even thought about being a midwife, but nope, that would be dangerous. So it’s going to be a challenge! And I have to be positive about it 🙂

SO this week’s seizure wasn’t very exciting at all. I only know I had one because Stephen said he called me Tuesday afternoon and said he’d be home in time for me to leave (singing lesson and out for dinner with Sam) and I said “what? where?”. Boring! Not like last week, where I evidently sang (or let out some sort of attempt of a musical wail) whilst sitting at my desk at the office. Two colleagues kindly told me about it, one which then enquired whether another, newer employee actually knew that I had epilepsy. The answer to that was no. Which made sense, as she apparently turned around and gave me, how can I put it, an interested look. So up I got to give “the talk”. Which goes something like this:

Me: “Hi, have you got a few minutes? Just need to tell you something about myself. Nothing serious, just something you probably need to know. I’ve got epilepsy” (wait for response, which is usually calm and nodding – occasionally people will say yes I know/knew someone who had it; once someone actually said yes I once had it). Then I just explain in my professional tactful way “it’s not the falling down waving your arms about type of seizure so no need to worry about that. I usually just fade off, stare in to space for a while, might say or do something stupid, often dribble and then be rather confused about my whereabouts for about half an hour afterwards. I have no memory of any part of the seizure and no warning that it’s coming on either”.

Generally the poor person just says, “ok, is there anything I should do?”. To which I reply “well if I am standing up and look like I am about to fall, then sit me down. Otherwise just ignore me but please tell me both straight afterwards and then maybe an hour afterwards as well as I may well still be in the dazed and confused mode straight afterwards.” (I keep a diary for my neurologist)

And that’s “the talk”. I used to feel really uncomfortable with it but I’m not anymore. I just feel comfortable telling people so that if it does happen they don’t freak out, and they understand the reason behind my sometimes bizarre behaviours if they do see me have a seizure.

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